


use my body but my mind is free

by bi_loser99



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Abuse, Agender, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Beating, Bisexual Female Character, Bisexual Male Character, Child Abuse, F/F, F/M, Forced Prostitution, Gay Male Character, Gen, Homophobia, Hospitalization, I'll add more tags later because I can't think of them all, Lesbian Character of Color, M/M, Non-binary character, Pansexual Character, Past Sexual Abuse, Queer Families, Queer Themes, Queer Youth, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Therapy, this is just super queer and angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-05-31 03:39:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6453901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bi_loser99/pseuds/bi_loser99
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alexander Hamilton doesn't know how his life turned out his way. Granted, it hadn't started all too pleasant, but now he was in some deep shit. He's dug himself into a hole he can't get himself out of with his words or boney fists. Alex didn't know that leaving his life on the streets to work for Mr. James Reynolds would be signing a deal with the devil. When Alex needs help, even if he won't admit it, can couple of college kids new to New York City help him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so this is the first fanfic I've written in a while and my first ever Hamilton Fanfic so if it isn't too good I'm sorry! I promise I'll try to make it's amazing as I possibly can! 
> 
> I want to say that'll update at least once a week but it's the second semester of my junior year of high school so please forgive me.
> 
> This is only the prologue so don't worry, the rest of the chapters will be much longer! 
> 
> Please give me a shot! I promise that I'll make y'all proud

Hamilton doesn’t really know how it started. Yeah, he could go back to the beginning and string all the events of how he ended up in the frigid, sterile hospital room, but he still couldn’t fathom how he ended up in this life. He-He had ideas, he had plans for what he was going to do with his life. But Alex had a track record of fucking up; he is the walking definition of a fuck up. He had been fucking up since he was first conceived. He knew that it wasn’t something he dwelled on, it’s just a fact. His father said it, his brother said it, his cousin said it, James said it, his own town said it; it was just a mere fact. 

“Hamilton, are you listening?” James spat in a heated voice from the kitchen table, sorting through his money while Maria was cooking dinner in the rotting kitchen.

“Uh- I just got distracted, sir,” Alex responded, looking down at his shoes.

“Goddamnit, Hamilton. I don’t have time for your shit. Listen up or I’ll make you listen.” Reynolds spat, fist slamming against the cheap table made of fake wood you could peel away if you tried.

“Sorry, yes, sir,” Hamilton responded through his teeth, not wanting to cause trouble today.

“That’s what I thought. Tonight you’re meeting an important client. He’s been a business partner for years now, so don’t go fucking this up. You’ll meet him at Howe’s Pub at 10. Don’t be late.” Reynolds repeated, not looking up from counting his money.

“What’s his name?” Hamilton responds, standing to get ready for tonight.

“Charles Lee. Now pretty yourself up, those new shorts I bought you make your ass look hot. Now go.” Reynolds shoots, looking him up and down greedily, making Hamilton’s stomach twist. 

Maria lets her hand brush lightly against Hamilton’s arm as he passed by, making sure Reynolds didn’t catch. He gave her a small smile and kept walking towards his and three others boys room. 

Again, Hamilton didn’t really know how he got here, selling himself out every night for a quick buck and a bed to sleep in. But he knew he was stuck, unable to escape and unable to breathe. Whatever plans he had before he got in this whole mess were gone. This was his life if you could call it that.


	2. a date with a general

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small glimpse of the relationship of Hamilton and Maria. Hamilton's first of many nights with Charles Lee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm back already!
> 
> Okay so this is my first REAL chapter, so I hope it's good! At this rate, I'll have at least three full chapters by Friday!
> 
> Also, trigger warning for this chapter include:  
> //Alcohol//  
> //abuse//  
> //prostition//  
> //self-hate//  
> //slight self-loathing, depression, and anxiety//  
> //dtugs//
> 
> Okay so enjoy and read at your own risk!

Hamilton looked into the rusted mirror that was leaning against the small dresser he shared with the other boys who worked for Reynolds. To be frank, he looked like a whore, but he was one. He wore shorts that caused heads to turn and a tank top that was loose and made with very little fabric which exposed most of his tanned skin to the autumn chill. The sight of his reflection made him sick, so he turned away.

 

“Hamilton let's go. You need to be in the pub in half an hour.” Reynolds yelled, his patience had begun wearing out early that night.

 

“Coming.” He responded grimly and walked out of the room and into the kitchen. 

 

Maria was there, putting the last of the dishes away. She turned towards Hamilton and gave him a small smile as if trying to reassure him that he could get through tonight. It was the same, every night, the sick shameful feeling and the reassurance from one of his closest friends. Even though it had been years since he first began to work for Reynolds; the feeling of disgust in himself and his desperation never went away. 

 

But, he always made it through the night. Sure, some clients were rougher than others, but he had it under control, he always got paid. He was here, wasn’t he? He had some rules, always used protection and got tested twice a month at a free clinic just to be safe. His life had already been difficult, he didn't need an STD to add to it. 

 

“James, babe, I was thinkin’ I could drop off Ham tonight? It’s been a while since I drove the car and it helps me distract myself from my achin’ feet.” Maria asked and purposefully thickened her drawl and strategically placed one hand on her rapidly growing belly with an almost absent-mindedness. (But Alex knew she was just manipulating him, Alex could read her like a book by now.) 

 

“Woman, are you trying to complain to me?” Reynolds seethed and looked up at his wife from his phone with a dim but growing fire in his eyes.

 

“No of course not!” She exclaimed, practically running over and hugging his neck from behind. 

 

“I just like to help you is all. If I can’t work no more, bein’ pregnant like this, I may as well drive some of the rest of y’all around.” Maria went on, subtly looking Hamilton in the eye.

 

“Well, alright, but get some booze and cigs while you're out. And come right home after. I don’t need you runnin around this city at night with my baby in you.” He relented and roughly threw the keys onto the table as he turned his attention to his phone once more, quick to take care of other business. Maria and Hamilton weren’t Reynolds only workers, he had others to take care of. 

 

“Let’s go, Ham. We ain’t needin' to be late.” Maria said to him and quickly but calmly walked out of the kitchen, through the living room, and out to the rusting black van in the cracked driveway.

 

* * *

  
  


The car ride was mostly silent, except for the soft country music playing from the radio. Maria loved country music, always saying how it reminded her of home and her “mama”. Hamilton didn’t understand how she could stand to think about home, about life before Reynolds, without wanting to curl up into a ball of longing and pathetic sobs. But, hey, maybe that was just him. He didn’t like to dwell on the before.

 

“Hey, this ain’t Lee’s first time… I heard he spent a night with Knox two weeks ago.” Maria said, breaking the silence. Hamilton tore his gaze away from the window and eyed Maria cautiously. 

 

“I can take care of myself, Maria, you know that.” He responded, and turned his gaze back out of the window.

 

“Trust me, Ham, I know can handle yourself. That ain’t stoppin’ me from a-worryin’.” Maria responded while she took her eyes off the road to look at Hamilton.

 

“I’ll be okay Maria. Have you been taking the prenatal vitamins from the clinic?” Hamilton asked, eager to change the subject. Maria took the bait.

 

“Oh why yes! I swear I can feel ‘em workin’ already! Thank you so much again for gettin’ ‘em. I woulda gone and gotten ‘em myself but you know how James can be sometimes.”

 

Yeah, of course, he knew. How many days had he been unable to bite his tongue and got beaten for it? How many nights had he come home with less cash than desirable and had to pay the price? How many times had he known how James can be sometimes? But Maria didn’t fully see it; see Reynolds for who he was. She loved him because he said he loved her. Took her off the streets, married her for god’s sake. Hamilton knew it wasn’t Maria’s fault, she was a battered woman, whose husband sold her out to other men and beat her for causing trouble. She needed therapy, she needed to get out, especially with her being pregnant. But that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.  

 

* * *

 

Maria pulled up to the curb in front of Howe’s Pub at 9:45. A good time considering it was a Friday night in the city, but Hamilton wasn’t going to complain. He had a job to do and the first part was being on time. 

 

“Okay, here we are. Just, be careful now, ya hear?” Maria said with a small frown etched onto her tan face.

 

“I’ll be fine Maria. I’ll text Reynolds when I need to be picked up.” and with that, Hamilton exited that car and walked into the shady bar.

 

Howe’s was where Reynolds had his boys meet many of their clients. He didn’t like his girls in there. Reynolds didn’t tolerate drugs. While some pimps used drugs to make their whores rely on them, Reynold abolished them. He only wanted “clean whores”. And Howe’s Pub was running rampant with drugs, gangs, and pimps. It was owned by a man called General Howe. He let the dealers and the pimps “conduct their business” as long as they provided some hush money. Howe was friend with half the cops in New York City, so nobody touched the place. It was attached to a crappy but cheap hotel that rented by the hour. Good for both Howe’s and Reynolds’ business.

 

Hamilton sat on a bar stool with cracked black pleather and ordered a rum and coke. He needed something to drink tonight. It was a long day working the streets, he was tired and anxious, and the rum helped keep him feeling warm. 

 

“Mr. Hamilton is it?” A man who wore a red, slightly stained bowling shirt with slicked black hair asked as he took the seat next to Hamilton. 

 

“It is. Why you must be Mr. Charles Lee.” Hamilton responded, and turned his upper body towards Lee while he made sure to keep his back arched suggestively.

 

“It’s General Lee. Reynolds didn’t tell me you were such a twink.” Lee responded as he eyed Hamilton’s body with greed. 

 

“Well, Mr. Reynolds didn’t tell me you were a general  _ and _ so handsome,” Hamilton responded while he traced his nimble fingers over the smooth fabric of Lee’s shirt.

 

“There’s a lot you don’t know about my sweetcheeks,” Lee responded as he let his hand rest on the base of Hamilton’s throat. 

 

“How about we take this to our room,” Hamilton whispered in Lee’s ear as he stood and pulled Lee by his arm towards the stairs that lead to the first floor of the hotel.

  
Hamilton’s stomach churned over what he was doing, but when he was working, his body took over. He didn’t think about what he was doing. He couldn’t. It would kill him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so that was the first REAL chapter of this story!
> 
> I hope y'all liked it! I worked on it all day! 
> 
> I gave Maria a southern accent because it seems so darn cute! Maria is not a villain in this story so I will not tolerate any Maria hate.
> 
> I wanted to go on with Hamilton and Lee's night but decided against it. You'll just have to wait and see!
> 
> Next Chapter should be up by at most 4/7/16


	3. Bull Head's Tavern

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander encounters a couple of revolutionaries and loses track of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so here's chapter two!
> 
> For some reason, I struggled to write this chapter. It kept coming out really awkward so I apologize if it still is. 
> 
> Okay here's the trigger warning's for this chapter  
> /// implied violence ///  
> /// alcohol ///  
> /// blood & bruises ///  
> (some of these may seem irrelevant to put a warning but I don't want to be responsible for triggering anyone)
> 
> Enjoy!!!!

Hamilton wasn't really thinking when he ran out of the moldy ¨hotel¨ room, his body took over while his mind was in a panic. He didn't know where he was  _ actually _ going, he just knew he had to get out of there right now. He ran down the stairwell, ignoring the shouts of Lee behind him; not even bothering with the rickety elevator. He ran out of Howe's, ignoring the shouts and catcalls that followed behind him. Once the chilled autumn air hit his exposed, he began to calm down. He was out. He was out. He was out. _ He was out. _

 

It was after he walked a whole fifteen blocks south of Howe's did he realize he just ran out on an important client with _ no money _ . He swore, in the moment, his heart stopped. He was fucked. Reynolds might actually kill him this time. He's been beaten plenty of times before, but this is one of his biggest fuck up in a while. Anxiety rattled in his bones when he decided to go to Bull Head's Tavern. It was a small  college bar just off Broadway where all the Columbia kids went. He hadn't been there in months, Reynolds didn't like him out if he wasn't working, and he had a problem with one of the bartenders. But screw that, he  _ needed  _ a drink. 

 

* * *

  
  


Hamilton wasn't carded when he arrived at the Bull Head, for which he was grateful. One of the positive of going to a college bar. Once he was inside, he realized it wasn't too crowded. He had been there on nights where you couldn't even move without bumping into multiple people. Most of the booths and tables had been taken, but there were a couple empty and a few bar stools were unoccupied. Hamilton grabbed one empty bar stool, this one more comfortable than the one at Howe's. 

 

_ Don't think about that right now. _ Hamilton reminded himself. He really needed a drink.

 

¨What can I ge- Wait,  _ Hamilton. _ ” 

 

Hamilton looked up at the bartender in front of him and realized it was  _ Burr. _ Of course, Burr was working tonight. Of all the people that could have been a bartender, it had to be fucking Burr.

 

¨Aaron Burr,  _ sir _ .” Hamilton bit with an annoyed look on his tired face.

 

¨What are you going here? We only serve those who can afford it.¨ Aaron bit back, keeping that same plastic-like smile on his face. 

 

“Burr you damn well know I can afford a drink,” Hamilton yelled back, standing up with anger.

 

He didn’t say drinks because he honestly didn't know how many he could afford.

 

“Remember what I said, Hamilton. If you want to survive you need to talk less, smile more.” Burr responded antagonistically. They both knew why those words infuriated him.

 

Hamilton was about to shoot a response but was interrupted by three guys, college kids around his age, who walked in shouting.  

 

“Yo, what time is it?” One boy yelled causing the other two to respond 

 

“Showtime!” The boys yelled which caused other people in the bar to laugh and cheer along.

 

“Like I said…” Burr trailed off, an irritated look on his face as the triad walked over.

 

“Aaron Burr! How’s it going?” The tallest boy asked with a sly smile on his dark face.

 

“What do you want?” Burr asked and ignored the question.

 

“Well as the prodigy of Princeton college, we were wondering if we could here one of your _famous_  ivy league opinions. Feminism? LGBTQ+ rights? Black Lives Matter? Literally anything?” The boy with the french accent asked with a smirk.

 

“Three Sam Adams I’ll assume? I’ll keep my thoughts to myself, something I suggest you do as well.” Burr responded as he automatically poured the beers without waiting for a response.

 

The three boys boo Burr, unsatisfied with his answer. The last boy opened his mouth but was cut-off by Hamilton.

 

“If you stand for nothing Burr, what’ll you fall for?” Hamilton asked.

 

The three boys turned to face Hamilton as if they had just realized he was there.

 

“Who are you?” The first, tallest and frankly intimidating one asked.

 

“Oh, uh, Alexander Hamilton.” He responded, a blush painting his face when he remembered just what he was wearing while three boys had all focus on him. 

 

“He was just  _ leaving _ . We don’t take to your business to kindly here.” Burr interjected, narrowing his eyes at Hamilton.

 

“I’m not working right now, Burr. I can afford a drink.” Hamilton spat at Burr, anger and embarrassment as he questioned if he actually could afford one. 

 

“Burr, get me an Adams for Alexander over here.” The tallest boy threw his arm around Alexander’s much smaller shoulders and slapped down the cash.

 

Burr huffed, but complied none the less, and gave the four of them their drinks.

 

“Yo Alexander, that was an amazing man. You shot Burr down perfectly. He didn’t even see that shit coming!” The tall one yelled as he led Alexander to the table with the two others.

 

“Shooting Burr down is one of my favorite pastimes.” He responded, the blush remaining in his cheeks.

 

“I’m Hercules Mulligan by the way. We got too blown away by your response to remember to introduce ourselves.”

 

“Ello! I am Lafayette! My name is much longer but I will not bother you with that! Did you see ze look on Burr’s face!” Lafayette said, and turned towards Hercules at the end.

 

“Yo! I’m John Laurens. Happy to meet a fellow Burr ‘botherer’.” 

 

“Is that a club, because if so, I’m ready to join!” Alexander responded, taking a large gulp of his drink.

 

“You, my friend, are looking at the top members!” Hercules bellowed, causing the whole group to laugh.

 

“Now, that name’s are out of the way. We have a very important question for you, who do support in the election?” Laurens asked, his face getting very serious.

 

“Bernie Sanders, of course!” Alexander responded.

 

“Can we keep him?” Lafayette jokingly asked Hercules while Alexander and Laurens went off into politics.

 

 

* * *

  
  


Alexander forgot all about his life and it’s many problems when he was with Hercules, Lafayette, and Laurens. They sat in that sticky booth for a good two hours, discussing politics and social justice. Lafayette even jumped onto the table at one point when he got over excited about black lives matter, much to Burr’s dismay. Alexander felt almost happy, not that he would admit it. And like most good things in Alexander’s life, it couldn’t last.

 

“Hamilton! What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Reynolds yelled, practically dragging Maria by her arm through the front door and over to the booth the quad was sharing.

 

Alexander felt panic knot his stomach. The three boys turned towards Reynolds confused. Alexander could read the Who the fuck is this and what the fuck does he want? Look on their faces.

 

“What the fuck were you thinking? You left Lee without finishing and without getting fucking paid? Do you realize how much shit I’m in now because of you?” Reynolds continued, his voice steadily rising in anger.

 

“Alex-” Lafayette began, confused and angry over what Reynolds was saying to Alexander.

 

“I’m not putting up with that shit! I don’t care who he is Reynolds!” Hamilton yelled back.

 

“Get the fuck up, we’re leaving.” Reynolds roughly grabbed Hamilton by his arm to pull him up but Hercules grabbed Alexander’s other arm, holding him in place.

 

“Who the hell ar-” Laurens started as he moved to stand until Maria had cut him off.

 

¨Ham, please, not tonight.” Maria had pleaded, her eyes had shone with tears.

 

For the first time that night, Alexander took in her appearance. She had fresh bruises scattering her bare arms, her left eye was sporting a black eye, and a small cut was still bleeding just above her eyebrow. Alexander felt guilt pool in his stomach and he reluctantly stood.

 

¨Alexander, you don't ´ave to go.¨ Lafayette said, his eyes filled with concern.

 

¨Please don´t.¨ Alexander said quietly, not looking the three in the eyes.

 

Hamilton stood hesitantly and Reynolds began to drag him towards the door, towards his impending doom. Maria clutched onto his other arm, not with malice but with quiet desperation and fear. Hamilton didn't turn to say goodbye or even look at Hercules, Lafayette, and Laurens; the shame he felt making it impossible.

 

The three boys watched as Alexander was all but dragged out of the bar. The new silence only seemed to emphasize the concern and fear they felt for their newest friend. None of them knew what to  _ say _ , what to  _ do  _ to help Alexander.

 

Laurens felt anxiety bubble up in his chest as he thought just who that man was and what he was going to do to Alexander now that they were gone. Lafayette felt a sadness grow in him as he thought of what that poor boy was going through. His time spent in Paris gave him enough information to understand who Reynolds exactly was to Alexander. Hercules felt anger course through his blood as he imagines just what Reynolds was going to do to Alexander and what he had already done right in front of them. 

 

¨What are we going to do?¨ Laurens asked, breaking the silence.

 

¨I don´t … I don´t know.¨ Lafayette responded, looking at his lap sadly.

 

Hercules remained silent, unable to put his angered thoughts into words. 

 

_ What were they going to do? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I feel like the ending of the chapter was a little weird but like I said, this was hard for me to write. 
> 
> My poor Ham and Maria having to suffer James Reynolds. Also my poor children aka Laurens, Lafayette, and Hercules having to watch their poor Alexander get dragged away.
> 
> The next chapter should be up by 4/10/16 and it should be better than this one, I promise!
> 
> Please comment any critiques you have so I can make the next chapter better!


	4. La Toulousaine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we see the aftermath of bull head's tavern and Hamilton gets a call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY!!!!
> 
> Trigger Warnings:  
> // physical & mental abuse //  
> // food //  
> // flashback //  
> //anxiety //
> 
> Be careful and enjoy!!!

As soon as Hamilton walked into Reynolds’ house, he was slammed against the wall. Hamilton let out a yelp as Maria yelled at Reynolds to stop. Reynolds slapped Hamilton’s face hard, leaving a red, bruising mark.  
  
“Did you think I wouldn't find out you bitched out, Hamilton? What did you think would happen?” Reynolds screamed as he yanked a fistful of Hamilton’s thick hair. Hamilton let out an involuntary moan, shame curled in his stomach.  
  
“You like that, don’t you? You filthy fucking whore.” Reynolds spits in Hamilton’s face, throwing him to the ground.  
  
“James, no, please!” Maria begged while she pulled on James' arm in a feeble attempt to stop the inescapable beating.  
  
“Get out of the way bitch.” James seethed, shoving Maria to the floor; her scream caused Hamilton to jerk forward. Reynolds kicked Hamilton’s stomach repeatedly to keep him on the floor, smirking at his screams of pain.  
  
“Tomorrow, you’re going to finish what you started with Lee and _I’m_ going to be there to make sure the job gets _done_.” Reynolds seethed through his teeth, and he planted his fist into Hamilton’s eye.  
  
“Do you understand, you worthless piece of shit?” Reynolds’s fist landed on Hamilton's cheek, causing a purple bruise to begin to bloom.  
  
“Yes! Yes, sir!” Hamilton screamed, raising his arms in a vain attempt to protect himself.  
  
Reynolds didn’t respond, only grabbed a can of cheap beer out of the rusted fridge in the kitchen and stalked into his bedroom and slammed the door.  
  
For a few minutes, neither Hamilton nor Maria moved. Hamilton stayed frozen, arms in front of his face and breathing shakily. Maria stayed sitting on the coffee table she was slammed into while small sobs escaped her lips.  
  
Then suddenly, it seemed as if Maria realized where she was and turned quickly towards Hamilton.  
  
“Oh Ham, are you…” Maria trailed off as she crawled over to where Hamilton was shaking.  
  
Maria pulled Ham against her and into her frail, bruised arms. They were silent, Maria holding the shaking Hamilton while he calmed down, both with silent tears streaming down their faces.  
  
“What happened with Lee?” Maria whispered even though Reynolds was most likely already passed out on their shared bed.  
   
“He… he went too far ‘ria,” Hamilton responded quietly, using the nickname he gave her in high school.  
  
“How? Knox didn’t say anything… James said that Lee said he wanted someone fresh…”  
  
“He… he wanted things I just couldn't do and-and I couldn’t-he wouldn’t stop. I just ran ‘ria. I didn’t....” Hamilton rambled, his already labored breath began to quicken.  
  
“Shh… shh…” Maria responded, stroking his hair, unable to come up with an actual response.  
  
No matter what happened, he would have to go back tomorrow. She couldn’t stop that, no matter how much she wished she could. She wished that he could just get the easy clients. The white collar, spinless, “family man” who came quickly and hurt their escort as much as a fly could. But Hamilton had a tolerance for physical pain, one that Reynolds sniffed out the moment he met him.

A small part of Maria felt as if she was the cause of Hamilton’s misfortune for working for James. She had been married to James when Hamilton met her. They were both sixteen, they were both fresh to the city, and they were both completely and utterly homeless. They went to the same high school but they met on the streets. After James found her and treated her so well, she left the streets and married him. But once he saw her with Hamilton, he immediately wooed Hamilton to work for him. Hamilton was desperate for a bed to sleep in and food to eat, so he sold his soul.  
  
_But Hamilton made that choice_ , Maria told herself. _James loves you, and he takes care of you. Don’t you go on doubting your husband? What kind of wife does that?_ Maria scolded herself.  
  
_A scared one_ , she thought to herself.  
  


 

* * *

  
  
James and Maria dropped Hamilton and Reynolds’ other “employees” off in Murray Hill to work the streets for a quick buck until Reynolds needed them for more specific clients at night. At nine a.m. Hamilton socialized with fellow sex workers in between giving blowjobs and quickies in the cars of nameless white collar workers on their lunch breaks and lonely soccer moms looking for “something exciting”.  
  
It wasn’t until one that Hamilton’s routine changed. He received a phone call from someone that wasn’t Reynolds or one of the other prostitutes that work for him. Instead, the name Laf came up on the screen of Alexander’s crappy flip phone.  
  
“Hello?” Alexander answered, hesitantly, unsure how to speak to the Frenchmen after the embarrassing scene from the night before.

 _“Hello, Alexandre! Are you busy at ze moment?”_ Lafayette asked in a thick french accent.  
  
“I guess I can take a break… why?” Alexander responded, confused why Lafayette would want to see him after the night before.  
  
“ _I was wondering if you would like to get lunch with me? Herc and Laurens both ‘ave class and I hate to eat alone.”_  
  
Alexander thought for a moment. His always aching body was in an exorbitant amount of pain after the beating from the night before and from the hours spent working… he could use a break. Reynolds would never find out.  
  
“That would be nice.” He relented.  
  
_“Fantastic! Meet me at La Toulousaine. It is a coffee shop near my classes. I’ll text you ze address!”_ Lafayette exclaimed happily and hung up after obnoxiously kissing into the microphone.  
  
  
 

* * *

  
  
  
Alexander walked into the small french coffee shop twenty minutes later with an unsure feeling in his stomach. When he walked in, everyone eyed his extremely inappropriate jean shorts and an unbearably tight tee shirt with disgust. He felt a blush creep onto his face as he searched the shop for-  
  
“Alexander! Over ‘ere!” Lafayette yelled happily as he stood and waved from the small table near the back of the cafe. Alexander quickly walked over and sat with Laf, and people slowly went back to their own conversations.  
  
“Alexander, ‘ow are you?” Lafayette asked once he was seated.  
  
“I’m fine, a bit hungry. How are you?” Alexander asked and hoped that Lafayette wouldn’t ask about the obvious fresh bruises.  
  
“I am good! A bit stressed from my classes but good or  -uh how you say? Uh- not less?” Lafayette responded, unsure of his wording at the end.  
  
“Close, it’s none the less,” Alexander responded, smiling at the Frenchmen  
  
“English is such a hard language to get used to! All these idioms and slang words… it is too much!”  
  
“I get it! It’s so different from French or Spanish!” Alexander responded as his arm flailed wildly.  
  
_“L’attente! Tu parle français_! _Alexandre_ , _mon ami_ , you have been holding out on me!”  
  
“ _Ouais, il est l'un de mes premières langues en fait …_ ” Alexander responded, hesitant to delve too deep into his past. It was behind him and he wanted it to stay there.  
  
“ _Alexandre, vous êtes un garçon mystérieux. Tu le sais?_ ”  Alexander blushed, looking at his tanned legs.  
  
“Lafayette, you flirt!” Alexander exclaimed and bit into the warm croissant Lafayette bought him.  
  
“So, how do you know Burr?” Lafayette innocently asked the very un-innocent question.  
  
“I knew Burr in high school. We had a falling out of sorts…” Alexander spat out Burr’s name. He didn’t tell the full story of his past with Burr, he wouldn’t admit it, but the wounds were still fresh.  
  
_Hamilton gripped the rough straps of his tattered backpack tightly, his hands shook with nerves as he walked into the tall, grim building known as Washington Irving High School. Hundreds of kids were in and surrounding the building. 14-year-old Hamilton had no love for large crowds, in reality, they made his scarred hands quake in fear, not that he would let it show. The scrawny kid tries to ignore the stares and hollers of profanities, in varying languages, from the groups of students he passed on his way into the school._  
  
_After Hamilton passed through the multiple security checks that many other students were blatantly cheating their way through; He pulled a crumpled schedule out of his thrift-store-bought cargo shorts and searched relentlessly for his locker. The paper was scarce of information, only holding his schedule and locker number. It gave no information about which of the eleven floors his classes or locker were located. Hamilton didn’t know why his foster parents decided to enroll him in WIHS, they didn’t even ask him. They didn’t really seem too interested in Hamilton, only asking when the latest check from the state would come._  
  
_Hamilton was too busy trying to decipher his schedule to notice a younger but large white man barreled his way down a crowded hallway on the second floor. Hamilton went sprawling across the floor, only his backpack cushioned his fall._  
  
_“What the hell do you think you’re doing kid?” The man seethed, brushing out the new wrinkle in his button down._  
  
_“S-Sorry, I didn-”_  
  
_“Yeah, no shit you didn’t see where you were going.”_  
  
_“Mr. Montgomery, how are you? I’m excited for today’s lesson plan on proofs in geometry today. Ignore this kid. He’s new.” A black boy only a few inches taller than Hamilton interjected, stepping in front of Hamilton._  
  
_“Ah, yes, proofs will be interesting if that damn class will stop acting like animals… watch that boy, Mr. Burr.” Mr. Montgomery spat, rushing past after shooting a glare at Alex._  
  
_The boy turned on his heel and looked down at Hamilton, hesitantly extended his arm out to help Hamilton up. Hamilton’s smaller hand gripped Burr’s and yanked himself up, immediately launching into a rambled speech._  
  
_“Mr. Burr, sir, thank you so much! When Pete, that guy was such a bouzin!  I’m Alexander Hamilton, by the way, I’m at your service, sir! Musta took a lot of guts to stand up to that guy! Are you a freshman too! This is my first year i-” Burr cut off Hamilton’s excited rambling._  
  
_“Can I offer you some free advice?” Burr asked. Hamilton nodded, eyebrows scrunched together._  
  
_“Talk less and smile more. It’s the only way to survive this place.”_  
  
_“Wouldn’t it be better to use my voi-” Hamilton tried to respond but Burr had shoved his forgotten schedule back into Hamilton’s hand._  
  
_“Your locker’s on the fourth floor, the first hallway.” Burr turned back on his heel and was walking away before Hamilton could get another word in._  
  
“- and they went back and forth trying to get Burr to say anything of meaning but he wouldn’t budge! It was hysterical and frustrating at ze same time!” Lafayette laughed loudly, which brought Alexander back to reality. He laughed along with Lafayette anyway.  
  
  
  
Lafayette and Alexander continued to swap funny stories, more Lafayette than Alexander, but neither complained. Alexander genuinely enjoyed Lafayette’s company. Alexander didn’t let it on, but he and Lafayette had a lot in common. But he was also scared. He hadn’t let himself get close to anyone unless, besides Maria, he couldn’t afford it. Alexander always has and always  will do what it takes to survive. But really liked Laf and he had more fun during their brief encounters than he has in a while. That is until his dinosaur age flip phone rang, ruining this small amount of peace.  
  
Alexander scrambled to answer, realizing he had a life outside his bubble in the small cafe.  
  
_“Yo, Alex! Where the hell you been?”_  
  
“Baylies, I’ve been ah… in a meeting?” Hamilton cursed himself for such a feeble excuse for a lie.  
  
_“Sure, man. Reynolds just showed up for check in. I covered for you, said you were with a new client. Better get here soon, before he really flips his top.”_  
  
“Shit-ah-yeah. I’ll be there soon.”  
  
Hamilton hung up and quickly stood to exit the shop, almost forgetting about Lafayette.  
  
“ _Alexandre_ , what is the matter?” Lafayette asks with concern etched onto their face.  
  
“I’m sorry, I have to go! I’ve been here too long! Reynolds-”  
  
“The man from last night?”  
  
“Ah-yeah…” Alexander responded quietly, looking down at his hands.  
  
“Then take this.” Lafayette hands him a couple of bills before Alexander could stop him.  
  
“Lafayette this-this is too much. You don’t need to-”  
  
“ _Alexandre_ , I lived in Paris since the age of 12 before I came to America. _Je connais,_ you need _preuve_ for this Reynolds man that this meeting went well and I would like to be able to see _mon ami_ again. I have an _odieux_ inheritance to spare, and to use it to help you from receiving another bruise like that, is worth it.”  
  
“I don’t need your charity. I can handle myself.” Alexander’s spine straightened and his lifted his chin.  
  
“You’re right, _mon ami_. You’ve been taking care of yourself long before we came along. But that doesn’t mean we want to see our friend struggle alone. We’ll be at Bull Head’s again tonight if you’d like to see us again.”  
  
Alex nodded, stunned to silence by Lafayette’s touching speech. And as he ran back to the street where the other Reynolds’ workers, he couldn’t tell if his chest tightened from emotion or his normal fatigue. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I hope you guys liked it!!!
> 
> I know it took me forever, but between writer's block and everything happening in my life and what happened in Orlando, I wanted to take a breather. 
> 
> But it's summer so I can update a lot more frequently! This fic is not dead!
> 
> Thanks to my beta haalpine (on ao3!) 
> 
> Come yell at me on:
> 
> tumblr: bi-hamilfan.tumblr.com  
> twitter: twitter.com/bi_hamilfan
> 
> Also, I'll be writing more stories a long with this one so y'all should check them out!


	5. UPDATE; NOT A REAL CHAPTER PLS READ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS JUST AN UPDATE; NOT A REAL CHAPTER BUT THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ANYONE WHO LIKES/LIKED THIS FIC

OH MY GOD!!! I missed you guys and writing so much! It's been forever.

 

You guys are probably so done with me now. I always say how I'm going to start updating a lot more frequently and never do, but, I  _actually_ have some good news: tomorrow, I start work on the next chapter as well as a full story outline If I wake up early enough, I could have the chapter out by tomorrow (late night depending on work) 

 

I will also be working on three to four new stories soon as well as begin updating my other story,  _A Month Or So_. 

 

I just have so much work to do and  so little time but I am so excited that I have to make this a bigger priority. 

 

Hope that this gave you guys some excitement or happiness or hope.

 

All the love,

Kale (bi_hamilfan)


	6. Anither Update!! Please Read!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry!! I swear I'm finishing an update by tomorrow!!

Hey guys! I know that my last "chapter" was an update and not a chapter but I want to keep you guys updated! 

 

So I've had a really rough year, and a lot of things have happened since I last talked to y'all. In early December, I attempted suicide. After I was in the hospital for a few days, I was moved to a psych ward for two weeks to receive counseling and care. It was then that I was diagnosed with Bipolar type one.

For a while, I had to focus on catching up in school and getting better! I missed almost three weeks of school so I had to catch up on a lot of tests, quizzes, and homeworks. I also had to focus on taking care of myself; making sure I take my meds, checking in on my emotional state, working on myself in therapy. 

Now that I'm medicated and undergoing therapy, I've been able to focus again on this story and my other fanfics which I love! Again, I'm so sorry that this has taken forever. My finals for school are starting this week and end the 19th. So after the next update, which will be published within a day or two, there will be a little break again. But, once testing is over, my real focus is on this story!

Thank you guys so much for supporting my work and me. If anyone needs to talk about anything, mental illness, suicide, or even just boys, feel free to message me!

 

**Author's Note:**

> This piece is my baby so please leave comments so that I can make this story as amazing as possible!


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